From a grieving mother to her baby

This poem has a bit of a backstory, but just push through and I promise it'll be worth it. It was my very first poem that I didn't write for an assignment or school project. It was the first of many. I knew that I wanted to write, but I kept looking for something meaningful to write about. I was sitting on my mom's bed that day with a blank piece of paper and I saw her rocking chair. Before I was born, when my sister was two, my mom lost twins. One didn't make it past a few weeks of pregnancy and the other, Eunice, was born prematurely. Looking at the rocking chair that day made me think about the grief and emotion she must've gone through. Not only losing a child, but also being pregnant with me shortly after it all happened. After I asked her a few questions, I started writing. This was the end result:

Timeline

for Eunice from your mother

I sit motionless with cradled arms

feeling your tiny fingers on my palms

seeing the little dirty footprints

trying not to make my eyes squint.

Now older I feel the soft caress on my hair from behind

pretending to be blind

yet smelling your attempt at dinner

struggling to get you thinner.

Helping you through your high school heartbreaks

allowing you to realize what life makes.

Being there on graduation day

still in awe with absolutely nothing to say.

Never will I know what it feels like

being grandma with the cookie jar

or fixing broken heels

because of tiny fat feet.

I start rocking my chair with empty arms

struggling not to be alarmed.

Watching all the baby clothes

I know will never be utilized

May you rest easy where you’ve gone ,

my child,

for here on earth we’ll sing your song

and rejoice in what you would’ve done

two hours was enough

to make me smile

and my heart laugh.